Baldur’s Gate 3 is pretty forgiving when it comes to death. Or at least, the death of your party members. You can use scrolls to bring them back to life, lend them a helping hand if they’re still in one piece, or just ask your ol’ pal Withers to use some vague nondescript magic. Astarion isn’t going anywhere, don’t worry. But I wanted something more permanent, so I put together a Nuzlocke run. The rules are simple; if someone dies (not including Tav), they stay dead; no scum saving, your rolls are permanent, and you have to play on Tactician difficulty.

It went horribly wrong, horribly fast. After I braved the Nautiloid ship and crashed onto the beach, I made a beeline for Lae’zel, the strongest of the early companions. I knew she’d keep the others alive and I needed a tank to draw enemy fire so that Astarion wouldn’t get his shit rocked right away. I’m basic, so I still wanted to romance him, and that meant keeping him healthy.

I left Gale out of fear of him blowing up and simply ignored Shadowheart - in hindsight, that was the worst mistake I could have made.

Cue the Druid camp under siege by goblins. Tav and Astarion hung back, hurling ranged attacks, while my hot githyanki girlfriend kept the enemy’s attention since Tav and Astarion are dangerously squishy. We kept missing attacks, the goblins kept not missing, Lae’zel’s health withered, potions ran dry, and before I knew it, she was making death-saving rolls. Goblins now gaining on Tav and Astarion, I didn’t want to waste a turn picking up Lae’zel, so we kept attacking. She died. RIP hot githyanki girlfriend.

Already off to a bad start, and with one questline severed, I decided to find my tank backup - Karlach. And like the idiot I am, I wanted to help with her quest to fight a nearby group of ‘paladins’ who were hunting her. By this point, I had explored a little, levelled up, got some good gear, and won some smaller battles. Things were looking up, and frankly, I’d grown attached to this Tav/Astarion dynamic. They felt right for each other, my hot goth drow with this sparkling older vampire. Why on Earth then did I try to help Karlach?

Astarion died. I’m in Act fucking One. Act One! I’ve lost two companions, I’m dicking about in the woods, and the two characters I was interested in romancing are six feet under.

It’s soul-crushing in such a bittersweet way. Growing attached to the companions and wanting to keep them alive so I can talk to them at camp at night makes every battle that much more tense, and every blow that much more devastating.

It breaks my heart to see my favourites die, knowing that when we finally make it to Baldur’s Gate, they won’t be by my side. They’ll be faint memories, poor infected who scrambled out of the ruins to try and help me only to get struck down far too soon.

Without second chances, every encounter matters more than ever, because you don’t know if it will be your last. My Tav never discovered that Astarion was a vampire, never got to share a bedroll with Lae’zel, and was only able to speak to Karlach at camp. The last time we talked, everyone else was still putting up their walls, not yet comfortable enough to confide their deepest secrets or their most carefully guarded vulnerabilities.

If you wanna try this run for yourself, try to avoid unnecessary battles. Odds are you'll run out of party members faster than you do potions.

It was meant to be a fun challenge run, but in the end, it’s been an emotional rollercoaster. At the least, I hope I can keep Wyll alive long enough to reunite with his dad and bring Karlach face-to-face with Gortash. But at this rate, it might just be Tav that reaches the city, climbing a mountain of dead friends to reach the Gate.

Next: I Couldn't Care Less About Sending Wyll To Hell In Baldur's Gate 3