As a leading player in eSports media, we cannot sit idly by and not get our hands on the latest updates on Major League Gaming; we simply owe it to our readers. To unravel what's in store for the next Spring Arena, Radoslav "Nydra" Kolev and Andrei "procyonlotor" Filote undertake a journalistic quest to put cogs in place and tongue in cheek to discover what the MLG crew is cooking.
This is a satirical piece, all quotes are fictional and the text should not be taken too seriously. The opinions expressed by the authors (even their real ones) do not represent the views of GosuGamers.
Two is the prime number
Here's a no-brainer: what has been MLG's top 2012 storyline so far?
That's right! It's the recurring theme of MarineKing versus DongRaeGu - a story that is told, retold, and generally covered more times than a Depeche Mode song. It became MLG's golden bird, and while both fans and management might want a third finalist by the end of the year, sacrifices must be made for the sake of entertainment.
Changes to MLG are coming, especially in light of the success of Spring Arena 1. We may or may not have insider information leading us to believe that the next Arena event will abandon their previous unnecessary preludes and feature MKP and DRG in a Bo17 grand final series! This is likely to come as a pleasant surprise for EG's HuK, who will now have to carry sandwiches for only two people, instead of the previous seven.
But is this model feasible? Absolutely - it's simple, elegant and far easier to follow compared to what the folks at GSL are doing. Indeed, simplicity and compactness are the hallmarks of the new system. Why bother to follow stories that end at the quarter finals? Why waste time, barcraft money and precious popcorn when you can put them to good use watching a year's supply of ZvT. It's the very essence of Starcraft - we wouldn't make this up, would we?
Now, we understand some fans may have reservations, and even a word or two, about the proposed changes, but we urge you to give MLG the chance to persuade you. The showmatch concept is just the tip of the iceberg, Titanic references notwithstanding.
Extended series, welcome back!
Rumor has it that MLG will be offering the so called "Spring Arena 2 Xtreme Editioн". After the completion of the Bo17 series, a coin shall be tossed to determine, retroactively, if the winner came from an imaginary losers' bracket. If positive, it's extended series time!
This is believed to be the next evolution in MLG's most beloved inclusion to the circuit. The extended series has captured the hearts of fans and players alike, leading them to make such statements as, "you can't always beat Koreans twice, but with the extended series, you don't have to worry." During a recent survey on its return, progamers were once again unanimous: "approve" is not the word.
Perhaps the biggest deciding factor was an extensive study of Spring Arena 1: if the tournament proved anything it's that 30+ showmatches in three days is nowhere near enough.
An almost non-fictional MLG employee disclosed that the format has already been stress-tested with real players. He said, and we quote: "You haven't seen the true beauty of the extended series until you've witnessed two players go at it for three days straight. It becomes a battle of wills. Once, the loser gg'd by flipping over the table."
The winner was, naturally, MKP.
All god's children can dance (maybe)
According to our sources, there were initial misgivings about reducing the tournament format to the DRG/MKP dichotomy. Many were worried that other players would have to take a back seat while those who were actually good at Starcraft 2 showed off their skills. The creative minds at MLG, however, came up with a plan to assuage the fears of all the progamers who currently cannot hold a candle to either DRG or MKP.
This exciting new idea, to be introduced this summer, is MLG's Code Meh, a league designed to emulate the hugely successful NASL. We quote:
"We recognized that while NASL may not necessarily be the most popular league, its historical importance will eventually make it so it will be seen as a kind of Noah's Ark of Starcraft 2, a vessel which carries those players who would otherwise become extinct or be forced to climb up the ladder like so many amateurs. We decided we would build our model from that, partly as a homage to the genius of the original schema, partly to ensure that many MLG regulars wouldn't have to see the back door of our little tea party."
"You don't have to try very hard to get into Code Meh," our source stated. "It's basically a system for easy buoyancy. We've run it by a couple of our North American players and they all love it. We'll also be giving out lavish cash prizes, and the winner will receive an MLG Gold Pass to watch DRG vs MKP in glorious HD resolution."
Already there are reports of foreign teams assigning their non-Korean rosters to specialized Code Meh teams. Long gone are the days of training in Korea.
A Parting of ways?
The words above might lead you to believe that Code Meh will be nothing but an undisciplined mob of plebs being fed second-class bread, but we've been assured that the tournament actually will have strict rules of admission.
The first of many cast-outs is StarTale’s Parting, whose amount of MLG exposure is still being debated, with pressure applied from many sides.
One issue concerns Parting's ascension to LAN martyr as of last month's GSTL fiasco in Las Vegas. Becoming the new symbol of community dissatisfaction is making Parting's presence undesirable to MLG and Blizzard, who recently partnered up for the World Championship Series.
"Next time he'd better think twice before disconnecting," commented a member of the MLG/Blizzard joint eSports committee.
Parting may have moved dim-witted fans but the MLG/Blizzard regime is an entirely different matter
MLG isn't the only party to want Parting far away from Spring Arena 2 and other events. On multiple occasions, both StarTale and GOM stated that Spring Arena 1 was downright disappointing and only stained Parting's immaculate PvT record.
"If he loses a series, it better be a close 1v2 against Puma and MVP," said Parting's personal PvT manager, who later denied the statement out of shame.
"I'll cast a spell on you."
MLG also has another announcement in store: Casting Academy! Their spokesperson had this to say: "We recognized that our greatest strength lies in our casters so we decided to have more of them! Soon you'll be able to bathe in the sultry summer voices of up to a dozen expert casters, who will regale you with minutiae about their personal lives, shaving habits, and other things people love to hear about during Starcraft matches. You'll also be treated to the first MLG pedigree professional female caster, who will tell you all about the intricacies of life as a girl and may occasionally even describe the action on screen."
But that's not all, MLG is also slated to enlist the services of the now world famous eSports dog, Chance, who will be filling in as a guest observer.
We also approached the Dean of MLG's Casting Academy but he declined any further comment. His reluctance to disclose more information about Spring Arena 2 leads us to believe that this is not the last batch of surprises we'll be seeing. Rest assured, when they come along, we'll be there with an eager pen and a critical eye.
Graphics by: Petya Kirisheva
This is a satirical piece, all quotes are fictional and the text should not be taken too seriously. The opinions expressed by the authors (even their real ones) do not represent the views of GosuGamers.
This is a satirical piece, all quotes are fictional and the text should not be taken too seriously. The opinions expressed by the authors (even their real ones) do not represent the views of GosuGamers.
Two is the prime number
Here's a no-brainer: what has been MLG's top 2012 storyline so far?
That's right! It's the recurring theme of MarineKing versus DongRaeGu - a story that is told, retold, and generally covered more times than a Depeche Mode song. It became MLG's golden bird, and while both fans and management might want a third finalist by the end of the year, sacrifices must be made for the sake of entertainment.
Changes to MLG are coming, especially in light of the success of Spring Arena 1. We may or may not have insider information leading us to believe that the next Arena event will abandon their previous unnecessary preludes and feature MKP and DRG in a Bo17 grand final series! This is likely to come as a pleasant surprise for EG's HuK, who will now have to carry sandwiches for only two people, instead of the previous seven.
But is this model feasible? Absolutely - it's simple, elegant and far easier to follow compared to what the folks at GSL are doing. Indeed, simplicity and compactness are the hallmarks of the new system. Why bother to follow stories that end at the quarter finals? Why waste time, barcraft money and precious popcorn when you can put them to good use watching a year's supply of ZvT. It's the very essence of Starcraft - we wouldn't make this up, would we?
Now, we understand some fans may have reservations, and even a word or two, about the proposed changes, but we urge you to give MLG the chance to persuade you. The showmatch concept is just the tip of the iceberg, Titanic references notwithstanding.
Extended series, welcome back!
Rumor has it that MLG will be offering the so called "Spring Arena 2 Xtreme Editioн". After the completion of the Bo17 series, a coin shall be tossed to determine, retroactively, if the winner came from an imaginary losers' bracket. If positive, it's extended series time!
This is believed to be the next evolution in MLG's most beloved inclusion to the circuit. The extended series has captured the hearts of fans and players alike, leading them to make such statements as, "you can't always beat Koreans twice, but with the extended series, you don't have to worry." During a recent survey on its return, progamers were once again unanimous: "approve" is not the word.
Perhaps the biggest deciding factor was an extensive study of Spring Arena 1: if the tournament proved anything it's that 30+ showmatches in three days is nowhere near enough.
An almost non-fictional MLG employee disclosed that the format has already been stress-tested with real players. He said, and we quote: "You haven't seen the true beauty of the extended series until you've witnessed two players go at it for three days straight. It becomes a battle of wills. Once, the loser gg'd by flipping over the table."
The winner was, naturally, MKP.
All god's children can dance (maybe)
According to our sources, there were initial misgivings about reducing the tournament format to the DRG/MKP dichotomy. Many were worried that other players would have to take a back seat while those who were actually good at Starcraft 2 showed off their skills. The creative minds at MLG, however, came up with a plan to assuage the fears of all the progamers who currently cannot hold a candle to either DRG or MKP.
This exciting new idea, to be introduced this summer, is MLG's Code Meh, a league designed to emulate the hugely successful NASL. We quote:
"We recognized that while NASL may not necessarily be the most popular league, its historical importance will eventually make it so it will be seen as a kind of Noah's Ark of Starcraft 2, a vessel which carries those players who would otherwise become extinct or be forced to climb up the ladder like so many amateurs. We decided we would build our model from that, partly as a homage to the genius of the original schema, partly to ensure that many MLG regulars wouldn't have to see the back door of our little tea party."
"You don't have to try very hard to get into Code Meh," our source stated. "It's basically a system for easy buoyancy. We've run it by a couple of our North American players and they all love it. We'll also be giving out lavish cash prizes, and the winner will receive an MLG Gold Pass to watch DRG vs MKP in glorious HD resolution."
Already there are reports of foreign teams assigning their non-Korean rosters to specialized Code Meh teams. Long gone are the days of training in Korea.
A Parting of ways?
The words above might lead you to believe that Code Meh will be nothing but an undisciplined mob of plebs being fed second-class bread, but we've been assured that the tournament actually will have strict rules of admission.
The first of many cast-outs is StarTale’s Parting, whose amount of MLG exposure is still being debated, with pressure applied from many sides.
One issue concerns Parting's ascension to LAN martyr as of last month's GSTL fiasco in Las Vegas. Becoming the new symbol of community dissatisfaction is making Parting's presence undesirable to MLG and Blizzard, who recently partnered up for the World Championship Series.
"Next time he'd better think twice before disconnecting," commented a member of the MLG/Blizzard joint eSports committee.
Parting may have moved dim-witted fans but the MLG/Blizzard regime is an entirely different matter
MLG isn't the only party to want Parting far away from Spring Arena 2 and other events. On multiple occasions, both StarTale and GOM stated that Spring Arena 1 was downright disappointing and only stained Parting's immaculate PvT record.
"If he loses a series, it better be a close 1v2 against Puma and MVP," said Parting's personal PvT manager, who later denied the statement out of shame.
"I'll cast a spell on you."
MLG also has another announcement in store: Casting Academy! Their spokesperson had this to say: "We recognized that our greatest strength lies in our casters so we decided to have more of them! Soon you'll be able to bathe in the sultry summer voices of up to a dozen expert casters, who will regale you with minutiae about their personal lives, shaving habits, and other things people love to hear about during Starcraft matches. You'll also be treated to the first MLG pedigree professional female caster, who will tell you all about the intricacies of life as a girl and may occasionally even describe the action on screen."
But that's not all, MLG is also slated to enlist the services of the now world famous eSports dog, Chance, who will be filling in as a guest observer.
We also approached the Dean of MLG's Casting Academy but he declined any further comment. His reluctance to disclose more information about Spring Arena 2 leads us to believe that this is not the last batch of surprises we'll be seeing. Rest assured, when they come along, we'll be there with an eager pen and a critical eye.
Graphics by: Petya Kirisheva
This is a satirical piece, all quotes are fictional and the text should not be taken too seriously. The opinions expressed by the authors (even their real ones) do not represent the views of GosuGamers.
