Mid-Console Refreshes Are Killing Me

If there were one word to describe me, it would probably be ‘weak’. If there were two words to describe me, they would probably be ‘very weak’. I’m not a strong person, physically or emotionally. The reason tourists ask me for help is because they know they can get away pretty easily if things suddenly went south. If you made eye contact with me and said something even vaguely critical, I’d burst into tears like it was a sci-fi movie and I was watching the last child on Earth be born. Which is why mid-console refreshes are killing me. I need them so much.

I’m not saying I’m mad about it. I’m not! I understand why Sony would want to release a new, slimmer PlayStation 5. I get why Nintendo would throw down a slightly-improved Switch and then even more slightly-improved Switch OLED. I don’t really get why Microsoft decided to make their mid-generation refresh Xbox look like a first generation Amazon Echo, but I understand the need for the machine itself to exist.

I recognize that these companies need to make more money and, to avoid falling behind, it makes sense to release upgraded versions for people holding out and fans who will spend money no matter what because they’re stupid (this category is where I live). I also know that companies sometimes do these refreshes in part to help push back against jailbreaking systems and sideloading apps. That I’ve got somewhat mixed feelings about, but the reality of the situation is the reality of the situation. And people will jailbreak the next thing anyway.

Knowing all that, you’d think console refreshes wouldn’t call to me like a siren on the goddamn rocks. How dare the Steam Deck OLED exist just a year after I got the original? At first, I thought I could resist. I already own the best version of the Steam Deck with a big SD card to boot. I could live without the OLED screen. The advertising itself is pretty careful to say that the power between the two systems is equivalent. It’s not a Steam Deck 2. But then I saw some video online that it weighs 5 percent less and might even have a 5-7 percent improvement in gaming power and now I feel like I have to buy one. I won’t even verify this myself. I’ll just believe it. Because, again, I’m stupid.

Or, if not stupid, at least I fall for the FOMO this industry and every industry relies on to survive. It’s hard enough to spend $300-700 on a hot new gaming console. When we drop that type of money, we want the type of power that can take our hoverboards over water. And despite the fact that 70 percent of the games I play are indie titles that could run on a PowerBook G4, I want to feel like I’m at the cutting edge. This is my fault, but I’ve been tricked into believing that when there’s a refresh, I’m missing out on the true experience.

Not to say that I’ll buy every console immediately. The PlayStation 5 slim’s disc drive situation is a little concerning to me. And while the regular PlayStation 5 is the size of a Bible printed in the year 1600, that’s never been a massive problem. I have no space in my apartment, but ironically because of that, my PlayStation 5 is just tucked into a corner of the floor. At this point, a slimmer one would just stay in the same spot. Until I find out that The Last of Us Part 3 runs ten more frames per second on the refresh than the original. And then watch my ass ordering it right away.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t salivating over the Steam Deck OLED. As I’ve said before, it’s my brand of consumerism that is often the problem. And, ironically, I love underpowered, crashing, weird ports that barely work on lesser systems. But maybe those are two sides of the same coin. I love seeing the absolute minimum a game can exist at, but I also love the complete maximum. Again, this has been the cause of much suffering in my life. I want to play SimCity 2000 on the GameBoy Advance (it’s an abysmal port) and the most advanced version of Cities: Skylines 2 (bad comparison since apparently this is also broken at the moment).

Maybe this is me trying to talk myself out of the new Steam Deck and other refreshes once they prove to be minimally better than the original. I don’t need it and it’s going to be another bag of money thrown out the window. I also have a tendency to give away older consoles to friends’ kids rather than sell them - not because I’m a good person; because I’m lazy as hell and I’ve been burned selling stuff online before. It took me two weeks to find someone to buy an old, used Nintendo Switch for $80 without ghosting me or getting weird. The person who finally bought it made me feel like I was trying to sell them cocaine and they suspected it was a sting operation.

Console refreshes aren’t an insidious plot by game companies. At least, they’re not nearly as insidious as other stuff game companies do. No company has ever forced their refresh on us. Maybe bombarded us with ads, sure. Yet outside of the Nintendo DS/3DS era, I can’t think of a lot of refresh consoles that were absolutely necessary to play any significant games.

I’m sure there are more examples. You can even look them up if you want! Fun!

I’m lucky that I can even consider the option to upgrade. But not so lucky that it’s wise for me to drop $500 on something I don’t need. I’m also lucky in the sense that nobody relies on me to survive, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t - I dunno - save money for once in my life. I have the type of career with a giant clock over it ticking down to the point when I’m completely unemployable. Still, I can’t help but get excited for console refreshes. I may hate myself for it, I may be enabling the problem with this business, but damn do I want that Steam Deck. And it’s going to kill me.

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