When I was younger and first getting into the internet, we all posted in things called newsgroups. These were like subreddits, except terrible. So they were exactly like subreddits. They did, however, have different limitations on what could be posted based on technology at the time. While they’re still around, they are no longer a central gathering point for discussions, and indeed nobody talks about going to the rec.games.video.finalfantasyxiv group to post whatever new nonsense is important. You just go to the Final Fantasy XIV subreddit and do it there.

I do not personally post to these groups, but I do read them because this is a part of my job here and it’s important. And there is often useful information to be gleaned from them. However, just as in newsgroups, there are also a number of threads that you see pop up time and again, usually proving somewhat deleterious to your overall browsing experiences. These are the ones you see replicated, over and over. If I ever start writing a column that sounds like one of these, I throw it away and start writing a different column.

1. “Why is combat balance/leveling/etc. bad now?”

These posts always follow the same format. They idealize a past state of the game, usually a specific class or build, and explain why that was perfect. They then posit that every part of the game looked like this and that rather than there being philosophical differences or acknowledging any weaknesses, that was the Good Times and now we are in the Bad Times. Generally speaking, either you agreed with the person stating this when you clicked on the topic or you are immediately aware that the person stating this has no idea how balance or encounter design work and should not be in charge of the game.

Which is good, because the person posting this is not in charge of balance or encounter design, but it’s also bad, because this just increases the volume of complaining.

2. “Here is a current meme with a vague reference to this game.”

Heaven knows I love when someone adapts a meme to a game I love. The problem here is just that one person will not do it well; 40 people will do it poorly, and you will be tired of it five topics in. That’s the thing about bandwagons. Everyone jumps on.

3. “I hate this game and it’s bad now.”

An MMORPG is not an airport. You do not need to announce your departure. Yet for some reason people feel the need to make a major case out of hating a game that is, apparently, the worst thing ever… which would already be kind of pointless, but these people are still playing it. And it is every game.

Like, my dude, I understand if you are no longer as delighted playing Guild Wars 2 as when you started. I go through that too! I deal with that problem by not playing GW2 when I am not feeling it. Heck, this goes with every single fandom and subreddit, and it is just baffling to me that you can devote this much time and energy to complaining about a thing you don’t like instead of just doing something you do like. If you don’t enjoy this video game, just don’t play it! No one is paying you to do it! There are lots of other video games out there! As someone who does get paid to play video games I sometimes really don’t like, I promise, you have no excuse.

4. “I just started playing this game and I love it.”

Now, to be fair, these threads are sweet. Like, I love seeing them crop up when someone says that despite only playing the game for a week it’s the best. The problem (to the extent there is a problem) is that it’s not really something you can discuss. You like the game! Cool. Have fun!

5. “Please stare at my beautiful character.”

People like to be very normal about their characters. I am very normal about my characters. I am exceptionally normal about them. Sometimes you just want people to also look and be extremely normal about what your character looks like. Again, it’s fine as far as it goes; it’s just a bit low on conversation potential beyond being very, very normal.

6. “Please stare at my character who I think is beautiful for some reason.”

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes the beholder’s eyes appear to be segmented, colorblind, or affected with severe astigmatism. Possibly all three.

7. “Here’s some datamined info.”

Do you like reading spreadsheets? How about staring at context-free icons? Maybe you enjoy comparing numbers? If so, datamining might be for you. Datamined info comes in a variety of different forms and can, in fact, point the way toward important future developments for an MMORPG before they go live. This is simply a true fact. However, I think it’s also important to note that datamined information can also be wildly misleading, partially or completely unreadable by average people, and perhaps just outright constructed from misunderstandings. So picking apart datamined information is… well… let’s call it fraught.

8. “Here’s a collection of third-hand sources that prove my prior conclusions.”

Look, studios have varying degrees of skill when it comes to communicating with players. I am not going to dispute that. But as a general rule, most studios are going to communicate the things that players need to know in a way that most players will see the information. World of Warcraft is not going to announce its next expansion by tucking away a small business card in the back of a disused lavatory marked with a sign saying “BEWARE THE LEOPARD.” That expansion is going to be announced by the closest thing Blizzard can manage to a ’90s sports show thrusting a flaming logo in your face while screaming to get ready for this next expansion because if you know about it, you will buy it.

Why do I bring all of this up? Because people will assemble some truly dire chains of logic to support what they want to believe. So you’ll get a Reddit post claiming that The Elder Scrolls Online is going to add playable robots, and what actually happened is that the source attributes a vague implication to a community member claiming that he talked to a CS representative who agreed that robots are cool.

9. “I made a craft related to this game.”

These are neat to see. People draw fanart, make cakes, put together all sorts of neat items. Did you know I have job stones from FFXIV as pendants? Well, I do. And they look really good. There’s not much to say aside from being Extremely Normal about the craft in question, of course, and sometimes they are basically advertisements.

10. “Why can’t this game be more like a completely different game?”

In the broadest terms, I can understand if you really wish Star Trek Online had ground combat like Warframe because the former has a ground combat system in the same way that a car spinning out over a frozen lake has a skating system. But the difference between the two games is one entire game, and if you want to play the latter, you can just do that.

Everyone likes a good list, and we are no different! Perfect Ten takes an MMO topic and divvies it up into 10 delicious, entertaining, and often informative segments for your snacking pleasure. Got a good idea for a list? Email us at [email protected]/topic/y or [email protected]/topic/y with the subject line “Perfect Ten.”