I am a huge fan of pugs. We had a black one growing up named Licorice who would curl up with me whenever I read, and then I got a chonky monster named Caesar in my 20s who shed a full coat each and every day. They were very gentle and affectionate pets that snorted and wheezed a lot.

But we’re not talking about pugs today; we’re talking about PUGs — pick-up groups — in MMOs. Having run many of those with somewhat less affection than I had for my childhood pets, I’ve noticed that there are certain types of players that make repeat appearances. Let’s dig into them!

The overachieving tank

A good tanker sets a steady pace, knows the route, and grabs just enough mobs that the party can handle. But then there’s the overachieving tank, who is often halfway across the map by the time you’ve zoned with an entourage of bad guys numbering in the high 50s. Perhaps this character thinks that Guinness World Records may appear at any moment and a world first must be set, but what usually happens is a wipe.

The incredibly timid tank

On the other end of the tanking spectrum is that player who is clearly terrified to be there. This character pulls one — maybe two — mobs at a time and then stays put until said mobs are killed and everyone’s health bars are topped. When I bump into this kind of tank, I mentally add another 40 minutes onto this run because my children aren’t going to get a bedtime story tonight. Sorry, kids, dad’s still in Kara.

The lost-but-I-don’t-want-to-ask-for-directions tank

Listen, ain’t none of us like to look stupid in front of others. I get it. But there’s really no shame in asking, especially if this is your first time in a dungeon. This kind of tank has no idea where to go but picks a direction and strikes out for it, hoping that fate will be kind and we won’t miss two bosses and turn the corner into a dead end. Fate is never kind to that attitude.

The impatient go-getter

I’m all for a good, smooth flow of progress in a dungeon, but sometimes you need to pause for a break. Somebody declares a bio, someone says “OOM,” someone has spouse aggro and has to explain why daddy can’t give that bedtime story. I’m still in Kara, honey. But just as the group pauses, this wonderful specimen of humanity barks “GOGOGO” and pushes into the next pack, triggering a fight whether or not anyone’s ready.

The rager

Few people seem to invest points into their patience stat, which is a shame because it creates tension where there could be harmony. The rager takes this to the next level, eagerly waiting for that moment when anyone in the team slips up to jump down their neck and explode in anger and condemnation.

The lecturer

Ooh boy, this is one of my big pet peeves. I don’t encounter this guy a lot — and it’s always a guy — but when I do, he presses my buttons. This is the player who feels free to give unsolicited advice on how everyone should spec and play their class, as if this was a TED talk that also included an end boss and loot. I guess egotistical know-it-alls have to go somewhere, but does it have to be in my pug?

The chip-on-their-shoulder healer

Having been a healer more times than I can count (which is 20), I fully acknowledge that it can be a stressful and often thankless role where you deal with suicidal boobs all the time. I guess this can get to some players, because every so often I bump into a healer who is extremely prickly right from the start of a run. Everybody who gets hit is somehow a direct offense to this healer, and they will let you know it with exasperated comments and sighs.

The shell-shocked healer

You know those war movies where a wet-behind-the-ears medic is thrust into his first battlefield, and the second the bullets starts flying, he locks up and looks like a frightened puppy who needs adoption? There are healers like this who, I swear, were given their first healing spell five seconds before the dungeon run began and then told to keep everyone alive. It’s too much pressure. It’s too much to ask. And so they freeze and panic and sometimes only heal themselves.

The silent AFKer

This is a crafty teammate indeed. Sometimes you’ll be running a dungeon for a while, only gradually wising up to the fact that it seems like it’s a little harder and slower than it was starting out. And that’s when you realize that one of your teammates is a good quarter-mile behind everyone else because they’ve gone to the kitchen for a Red Bull and perhaps a quick session with their tax agent. Yeah, you can kick these people, but boy do they hope you don’t notice.

The loot demander

Everyone’s a bit loot crazy and greedy in MMOs. Yet there does seem to be that one person who’s absolutely shameless about pressuring others to reserve certain loot in advance or perhaps give away rightly won loot upon a boss victory. It’s half-begging, half-entitled demanding, and it looks poor on you, KillSlashHugs.

Everyone likes a good list, and we are no different! Perfect Ten takes an MMO topic and divvies it up into 10 delicious, entertaining, and often informative segments for your snacking pleasure. Got a good idea for a list? Email us at [email protected]/topic/y or [email protected]/topic/y with the subject line “Perfect Ten.”