"Coin Concede" is a satirical weekly column, written by Radoslav "Nydra" Kolev. He sometimes thinks he shouldn't really be making this any more obvious.
 


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Hearthstone top dogs start declining invites, prefer to qualify instead


Following the recent trend of open qualifier winners taking home major championships, the established elite has started declining direct invites to online and offline tournaments alike, GosuGamers has learned. Players like Jon “Orange” Westberg, Frederik “Hoej” Nielsen and the likes have convinced those who used to regularly live on the alms basket that they don’t want any of that anymore.

The household names of the past year are also ready to boycott every tournament that reserves more slots for invitations than qualifiers, as this hinders their chances for victory. Even the mostly invitational SeatStory Cup III was almost won by an open qualifier winner despite all odds and the fact that Orange barely saved invitees’ asses won’t be something that will stop the riots, a representative of the “Old Boys Country Club” stated.

“To be honest, I’m pretty insulted that tournaments still offer me invites,” another former champion said. “I worked hard last year to be denied a fair chance at a tournament trophy by just going there on a dole.”

In the wake of these events, the community now turns eyes to the upcoming all-invitational Kinguin For Charity Easter edition, which might be the first tournament in Hearthstone’s history without a champion.

Hearthstone gamers grounded after misbehaving in kindergarten


Budding Hearthstone gamers Bobby and Mark almost got in a terrible fist fight at the popsicle stand near their kindergarten in Antwerp, Belgium. Bobby and Mark, 5 years of age both, began arguing after Bobby called Mark’s cards stupid. Mark replied that Bobby is stupid instead and he should shut up but Bobby didn’t so Mark went on to make serious threats.

“My dad is super mega strong and can beat up your dad,” Mark shouted, according to witnesses, but the only retort he got from the other child was that “[his] dad is richer and has a bigger car and a Ferrari and two Rolexes and a boat!!!”

The squabble eventually evolved into some hair pulling and spitting in the eye but was interrupted by nearby grownups, who ruined the fun for everybody else.

“Lawl,” a neutral bystander commented.

Redditor in inner turmoil after SeatStory Cup


Earlier this week, a Reddit user /u/lotharshieldslam was reported to have experienced severe conflict within himself after watching what he thought was an exemplary Hearthstone tournament in Krefeld, Germany.

“SeatStory Cup III is how all Hearthstone tournaments should be,” he exclaimed in a reddit thread which skyrocketed in popularity on Monday morning. Praised were thrown at all aspects of the event, including the format. This was where another rather sadistic member of the community decided to harmlessly ask if through these words he supports invitational tournaments, bringing up the 29:3 ratio of invites to open qualifiers at SSC 3.

This led to /u/lotharshieldslam – an otherwise vocal opponent of the “circlejerk joke of a scene where friends organize tournaments for their friends” – making a quick Google search only to find out his values are now completely shattered.

Although reddit has not heard of /u/lotharshieldslam ever since, sources close to the person confirmed he’s going through stages similar to those of loss and grief.

“He tried to deny this is really happening and then shouted at us when we told him he’s being unreasonable. He then tried to explain that there was still some open qualifier and one did almost win but that didn’t get him very far either.

He’s in pretty bleak condition now, which is understandable, but we’re firmly behind him. We expect that shortly, he’ll come forward admitting that invitational tournaments are not all bad and all will be good again.” 


This is homage to other homages. If my words made you laugh, follow me @GGNydra.

Previously on Coin Concede:

HouseCup champion puzzled after not getting signed by Archon
Team owner drops Hearthstone because of randomness, signs Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock roster


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