The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is widely regarded as one of the greatest RPGs of all time, and for good reason. With its expansive world, immersive storyline, and intricate character development, it's no wonder that gamers worldwide have been captivated by the adventures of Geralt of Rivia. However, it's not just the game's serious and dark themes that have drawn people in.
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One of the things that make The Witcher 3 truly special is the hilarious quests that are peppered throughout the adventure. From retrieving a frying pan to getting drunk with fellow witchers, these stories prove that even the most mundane tasks can become hilariously entertaining when it comes to Geralt and his adventures.
10 Shock Therapy
One of the funniest quests in Witcher 3, Shock Therapy sees Geralt being tasked with curing a druid, Egill, who has lost his voice. Despite the druid's friends' and colleagues' best efforts, they have been unable to cure him of his affliction. Geralt, being a skilled witcher, agrees to help Egill by testing newer, more innovative approaches to cure him.
Queue all kinds of hilarious shenanigans that Geralt goes through to try and help the Egill until, eventually, he finds out that the druid had not lost his voice due to illness but had sworn a vow of silence for religious reasons. The hilarious twist at the end makes this quest a must-play.
9 Goodness Gracious, Great Balls Of Granite!
Goodness Gracious, Great Balls Of Granite! is another hilarious quest in Witcher 3. Geralt is asked by a local art curator to investigate a delicate matter involving the statue of a local legend and national hero. Geralt accepts the contract, not knowing what he is getting into.
The hilarity ensues when Geralt discovers that the delicate matter is actually about someone stealing the statues stones or, for lack of a better word, Balls. Eventually, Geralt tracks down the culprit and, after a hilarious cutscene, you can choose whatever you deem necessary for the conclusion of the quest. The absurdity of the situation makes this quest one of the most entertaining in the game even for Witcher 3 Standards.
8 Face Me If You Dare!
Sometimes, the most amusing quests come from the most unexpected places. Case in point with the Face Me If You Dare quest. A knight seeks to challenge Geralt to a duel for the hand of Maid Bilberry, and vows to slay one hundred knights in her honor. It doesn't matter what you say, Ronvid will force you into a fight.
After a few days, Ronvid reappears in a new location, more armored and determined than ever. You can beat him up and choose your response, but the inevitable happens again. And just when you think it's all over, Ronvid pops up with two hired thugs. He just never seemed to learn his lesson, although his failures were indeed quite funny.
7 Till Death Do You Apart
Beauclair's charmingly romantic streets can be the perfect place for love, but in this quest, it's quite the opposite. Geralt discovered a grating noise at the city cemetery and found out that it was caused by the squabbling of a couple, the de Corentins. Their arguments kept the town awake. As a solution, Geralt separates the couple by removing one of their remains from the tomb they shared and transferring them elsewhere.
The annoying couple’s back and forth really adds to the hilarity of this quest. If you want to just laugh for a bit, be sure to head to Beuclairs cemetery to start it.
6 A Frying Pan, Spick, And Span
A Frying Pan, Spick, and Span may not have involved slaying monsters or epic battles, but it showcased Geralt's investigative skills and attention to detail. And the way in which the story unfolds, with the frying pan being the catalyst for a deeper plot, is a testament to the game's excellent writing and world-building.
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So, while there are many hilarious quests in The Witcher 3, including the antics of drunk witchers and talking to animals, the quest for a frying pan is a reminder that even the most mundane of tasks can lead to unexpected adventures.
5 Fool’s Gold
Geralt has certainly been through his fair share of strange and hilarious adventures, but perhaps none quite as bizarre as his encounter with Yontek and the cursed pigs in Velen. Who would have thought that a routine stop in a deserted village would lead to you talking to farm animals?
As you investigate the strange situation, you discover that the pigs are actually the cursed inhabitants of the village. In a delightfully weird scene, Geralt chats with a pig using grunts to answer yes or no to his questions. The ridiculousness of the entire situation makes the quest so much funnier.
4 Paperchase
In The Witcher 3, you expect to embark on epic monster-hunting quests and save the world from destruction. However, some quests take a more humorous turn, and that's where the real fun usually is. In the Paperchase quest, you find yourself caught in a bureaucratic nightmare as you try to withdraw payment owed to Geralt from a bank.
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Instead of fighting monsters, you must navigate a sea of red tape and unhelpful bank tellers to retrieve your payment. Along the way, you encounter charming clerks, argumentative cats, and other unexpected obstacles. It's a hilarious reminder that even a witcher can be defeated by the ultimate foe: bureaucracy.
3 A Tome Entombed
In A Tome Entombed, this quest takes a hilarious turn when you help a scholar excavate an ancient sarcophagus. Instead of finding a long-lost important text, you discover a fully awake and very annoyed vampire inside.
The scholar's refusal to leave the vampire alone leads to a battle with you and puts an end to the creature's rampage. After defeating the vampire you learn that the texts you were looking for weren’t in the tomb, which means it was all for nothing. The dialogue in the cutscenes of A Tomb Entombed is really the cherry on top - it's bound to make you laugh.
2 No Place Like Home
No Place Like Home is a classic quest almost everyone who has had a night out can relate to. This quest, part of the main storyline, has Geralt, Lambert, and Eskel kicking back and having some fun. After playing "never have I ever" and getting drunk, Eskel disappears to get more alcohol, and Geralt and Lambert have to find him.
They track him down outside the keep, passed out drunk with his Lil' Bleater beside him. After waking him up, Lambert suggests using Yennefer's megascope to invite her sorceress friends to the party. Depending on your choice, you may end up dressing as women to "blend in" with the sorceresses. Eventually, the fun ends when Yennefer wakes up and sends everyone to bed, but you can’t deny that this hilarious quest is a refreshing break from the game's more serious plot beats.
1 Equine Phantoms
In Equine Phantoms, you are tasked with hunting down an invisible wraith. To aid in your investigation, a hermit gives you a potion that allows you to see the wraith for a better chance at fighting it. This leads to a hilarious buddy comedy caper with Roach, who can now talk to you.
The witty banter and horse puns make this quest one of the funniest in the game. It also pokes fun at the game's mechanics, like Roach's ability to appear out of nowhere and his unresponsive controls. This quest is simply delightful and showcases the writing team's creativity and humor. You will undoubtedly wish you could spend more time chatting with your new equestrian friend.
Next: The Witcher 3: Complete Guide And Walkthrough
