I like my marshmallows extra burnt. Now, if someone makes a s'more for me, I'll take it however they make it. I'm not picky, and the combination of graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallow is un-mess-up-able. But, if I'm making a s'more for myself, I stick the marshmallow on the skewer, then place it directly in the heart of the fire until it goes up in flames, then blow it out. I typically repeat this a few times, until it's got a crackly, smoldering exterior and a gooey, completely melted interior. This is partially just laziness — I don't have the patience to crouch there, waiting for ten minutes, until the mallow achieves golden brownness. Over the years, praxis has given rise to preference, and now I just like them this way.

Can I Have S'more Whispers?

Which is why, while playing Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth recently, I was surprised to feel myself experiencing hunger. The Whispers showed up, as they usually do, and for the first time I noticed what they reminded me of. Not Grim Reapers, not Dementors, no… they look like really burnt marshmallows. They've got the same charcoal, the same wrinkly texture, and their cloaks make it look like their skin is sloughing off, like a marshmallow that has been cooked for too long. Delicious.

This upsetting realization has me thinking about other video game characters that look good enough to eat. Pokemon has plenty of obvious ones. I've always thought that Jigglypuff looked like a fluffy pink dollop of cotton candy. Togepi looks like eggs and soldiers. And, of course, there are all the ones that are literally made to look like food: Milcery and Alcremie, Applin and Appletun, and Vanillite and its evolutions to name a few.

But Pokemon can be anything — magnets, a mime, and a drag queen all feature in the original 150 alone — so you would expect the series to have some solid sustenance. I'm more interested in the characters outside of Pokemon that spark unexpected cravings.

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Slime You Out To Eat

Generally, slime is a good bet. Chuchus in Zelda look a lot like Jell-O, Dragon Quest's Slimes look like gooey candy, and Slime Rancher's titular globs look like fruit snacks. The Orblets from Ristar look like they would be similarly delicious. A lot of candy is just slime — sometimes hardened, sometimes soft — so it makes sense that creatures that look like slime would look like treats. If the White Witch offered me a bag of Chuchus, I would sell my family out way faster than if she offered Turkish Delight.

Those are all a little obvious, though, and there are cathedrals everywhere for those with eyes to see. Take Half-Life's Headcrabs, for example. They're roughly the same shape as a chicken, and look like they would have a similar flavor, too. Dr. Kleiner might not like it, but his pet Lamarr looks like she could serve as Christmas dinner in a Combine-induced pinch. That might seem morbid, but Gordon kills a few thousand of her friends across any given playthrough, so is it really that beyond the pale?

If we go back to the place where this started, Final Fantasy 7, there's another good candidate. Tonberry, the little green dudes with pure yellow eyes, look like they would make great hard candy. In the original Final Fantasy 7, they look softer. But in the recent games, their skin has a marble-y gleam that reminds me of a lollipop. They also kinda look like they're made out of an opaque glass but, well, so does hard candy.

Video game characters have a lesson for us if we're willing to listen: it is always okay to fantasize about eating fictional characters as long as they're not shaped like humans. Next time I go camping I doubt I'll be able to stop myself from seeing Whispers in the flames. And I'll eat them guilt-free.

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