I love Pokemon that tell a story. No, I’m not imagining Snorlax settling down with a book to read us ghostly tales around the campfire, I’m looking at evolution lines that take a theme and run with it.

Magikarp is the most obvious example, a retelling of the Chinese myth that if a carp jumps over the legendary Dragon Gate waterfall, it will turn into a dragon. Pokemon Snap takes this very literally, forcing you to push a Magikarp into a waterfall so that it evolves, but even back in Red & Blue, this is an evolution that tells a story. It would be perfect but for the fact that Gyarados isn’t a Dragon-type.

There are plenty more stories told through evolutions, each with countless YouTube videos explaining every detail - until Nintendo ruined all the fun. Budew evolving into Roselia and Roserade is a simple one of a plant flowering, which ends up getting combined with some masked hero shenanigans in the final stage. Timburr’s increasing strength allows it to lift wooden beams, then iron girders, then concrete columns. Applin gets baked into various confectionary that may or may not evolve. Mankey gets so angry it dies.

These are all simple concepts that tell stories as your Pokemon grow. I love seeing how a Pokemon is growing as it evolves, rather than a little Bagon just retracting into a shell for some reason and then becoming a big ole dragon with the worst wings ever designed. Stories don’t have to be told through the games’ narratives, they can be shown through evolutions, regional forms like Alolan Raichu and Exeggutor, and more.

This is why the Galarian fossils are the best fossil Pokemon ever designed. Sure, Omanyte is based on IRL ammonite fossils and Kabuto on a horseshoe crab, but they don’t tell a story, they’re just based on real creatures.

The Galarian fossils are the opposite. They are monstrosities, animals put together by some Dr. Frankenstein type figure in an attempt to work out what these creatures once were. Much like Omanyte and Kabuto, this is based on some very real history, but it tells a story too.

"Two heads, two asses, four abominations let loose upon the modern world"

When IRL scientist Charles Dawson discovered the Piltdown Man, it was purported to be the missing link between humans and our ape ancestors. However, Dawson had fabricated the lot. He’d combined the remains of humans and orangutans to try to get a bit of glory for himself and, hey, he’s referenced in Pokemon so I guess it worked.

The same thing happens with Galar’s fossils. You have to combine the four halves into two species, with four possible combinations. Two heads, two asses, four abominations let loose upon the modern world. The resulting creatures tell a story of archeology, fossil hunting, and the eternal pain you’ve put these creatures through by bringing them back to life via magical machine.

Dracovish’s PokeDex entry puts it best: “Its mighty legs are capable of running at speeds exceeding 40 mph, but this Pokémon can’t breathe unless it’s underwater.”

A walking paradox, Dracovish clearly has the wrong gills put on the wrong, powerful thighs. The Pokedex tries to make something up to rationalise our experiment-gone-bad, but we all know the truth. This abomination never existed in nature, and we have brought this monster to life. We must share its struggle with eternal pain, and for what cause? To tick a little box on our Pokedex? Was it worth it?

Pokemon Sword & Shield’s male protagonist is canonically called Victor. It’s fitting, really, considering his abominable creations stitched together in the name of scientific advances.

Despite the horrifying nature of these cobbled-together monsters, I can’t help but love them. Part of that is sympathy, sure, like how you feel seeing a pug because it’s been inbred over generations to the point where it can’t hold its head up. But there’s also a story there, a story that you don’t need to read the Pokedex to understand, a story that screams at your eyeballs the moment you first bring a Galarian fossil to unnatural life. In every other Pokemon game, you’re restoring a lost creature, whether it be the graceful Amaurus or the annoying Archeops. In Pokemon Sword & Shield, however, you’re creating new life. You have too much power in your hands and you feel a visceral hatred for your creation.

Game Freak takes on the role of Mary Shelley for these fossils, and you are her Victor. Their very existence tells one of the best stories a Pokemon line has ever told. They have unique typings compared to the Rocks of generations past. They hit like trucks thanks to their pseudo-primordial abilities. And best of all, they’re goofy little guys.

Next: Ever Wanted To Play Pokemon Yellow With Cramorant? Now You Can!