My family visited from out of state a couple of weeks ago. And one of our favorite things to do together is throw a movie night. Typically, these screenings include the hottest horror movie to hit streaming or a silly comedy we know everyone will like. But I had the choice of film this visit, so I exposed my unwilling kin to one of the best-worst movies of all time, Troll 2.

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As I watched iconic bizarro scenes, such as the oddly erotic popcorn hookup (#iykyk), I thought, "Man, this would make a wild video game." And when you consider it, many video games allude to camp cinema already (e.g., House of the Dead). But you rarely see direct adaptations, ala Killer Klowns From Outer Space. This begs the question, what B-movies would make stellar video games?

Troll 2

Troll 2 is perfectly bad camp horror fodder. In this film, a young boy named Joshua vacations with his family in the mysterious town of Nilbog. But the ghost of Joshua's dead grandfather warns him that danger is afoot. What's the threat? Nilbog is a village of vegetarian goblins that turn humans into vegetables and eat them! (Because spinach is gross. Meh!)

By the way, if you realized that Nilbog is 'Goblin' spelled backward, congratulations. You're already more competent than most of the characters in this film.

Speaking of goblin villages, what if Troll 2 wasn't a horror game?

Ok, hear me out! You play as the goblins of Nilbog and try to get as many human meals to visit the town as possible. Think of it like a hotel management game but with a lot more green food (that may or may not get pissed on).

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

Did you know The Beatles have a feature film? No, not the animated one. No, not the early Beatlemania ones. No, not the break-up documentary. No, no, NOT the artsy early 2000s one. And no, not the one with the world where The Beatles never existed. I'm talking about Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, the '70s romp starring Peter Frampton and The Bee Gees.

In this campy reimagining of the album of the same name, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band follows Billy Sheers (Frampton) and his bandmates as they leave their quaint hometown to become music superstars. But then, a criminal man named after a condiment (Mr. Mustard) steals the town's magical musical instruments. So, Billy and the band must return to save the day.

Sgt Pepper's and company fight Aerosmith, who are in cahoots with Mustard. Then, Billy's love interest (named Strawberry Fields, if you'd believe that) dies a tragic and hilarious death. Billy attempts to unalive himself, but then the town weathervane magically comes to life and sets everything right. This begs the question, what the heck was Weathervane Guy waiting for the last 90 minutes?!

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Then the film ends with a who's who of '70s pop culture icons singing the title song, which is worth the entire 109 minutes prior. Imagine Carol Channing, Tina Turner, and Chita Rivera singing next to each other on choir risers. It's gay heaven.

Sgt Pepper's one redeeming quality is the music, which gets some unique new arrangements in this film, performed with finesse by the stacked musical cast. So, a music rhythm adventure game held together by a razor-thin plot makes sense. I'm not reinventing the wheel with this one.

Samurai Cop

I've never watched Samurai Cop and have no idea what it's about. But I will make any video game if it includes this black-bikini-clad himbo and a birthday cake. (Dig in, indeed.)

The Room

The Room is much more than a film; it's an experience. This is the film you show your friends purely to enjoy their reaction. Then, they show it to their friends, and the gift keeps on giving.

Tommy Wiseau's ironic masterpiece has everything that makes a good trash movie: stilted performances, trailing plot points, and iconically off dialogue ("I did not hit her! I did not. Oh, hi Mark!"). It's a cult classic so renowned that it inspired an Oscar-nominated film. I never understand what The Room wants to accomplish when I watch it, but it does it so wrong that it's right!

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A visual novel or Quantic Dream-style game would suit The Room well. Not only could you relive the film's most unforgettable scenes, but maybe you could help Johnny avoid his tragic fate at the end of that fateful surprise party.

Yet, the more I write about this hypothetical The Room game, the more doubtful I get. Can you capture crap-lightning in a bottle twice (technically three times when you count The Disaster Artist)? Anyway, how's your sex life?

Mommie Dearest

If you haven't seen Mommie Dearest yet, do yourself a favor and watch it. The film is based on Joan Crawford's adoptive daughter Christina Crawford's memoir, which recounts their abusive relationship. Whether the biography is accurate or libelous character assassination is hotly contested. But that's not the point of watching Mommie Dearest.

Oh no, we fans watch Mommie Dearest for the CAMP, dahling! Faye Dunaway's performance alone is a phenomenon of film acting. Not 'phenomenon' in a good way. But also not in a bad way. I mean 'phenomenon' in a sublime 'how did this happen' way.

Dunaway's portrayal of Crawford has several sharp mood shifts, over-the-top explosions, and unforgettable one-liners. In one scene, she chokes out her daughter and cries, "I've given you everything. EVERYTHING!" Minutes later, she smacks a Pepsi board room with a stoic read-down.

This unpredictability of Dunaway's performance makes you think Crawford could turn any minute. Most times, this spontaneous melodramatic nature is hilarious. But every once in a while, you feel a deep sense of dread watching it all.

Considering this, Mommie Dearest would make a fantastic psychological horror game. Picture it. You play as a young Christina Crawford hiding from your abusive Hollywood mother and the sting of her wire hanger. Everything is in first person, and you always feel like Joan is right behind you, but you rarely see her. Make one wrong move, and the spankings will commence with refrains of "NO. WIRE. HANGERS. EVERRRRRR!"

Listen. You'll never get PT. But Mommie Dearest: The Game will give you the next best thing. And the lewks will be fierce.

Next: Best Games Based On Horror Movies