Young blood: is 40 too old for hack-n-slash?

Patrick Garratt couldn't play Ninja Gaiden 3 and DmC: Devil May Cry made his hands hurt, but he turned down the difficulty before throwing in the towel on twitch gaming for good.

The dead screen followed endless rocket-pounding. I was undone. Am I really beyond mainstream action gaming?

I’m going to be 40 this year, and my taste in games is changing. Content made for younger people is becoming difficult to consume. I first became aware of this with Borderlands 2. Being shouted at by a robot every 12 seconds was irritating at first, but the straight “shooting” bit eventually kept me playing for over 30 hours. It was there, though. I was annoyed. The game is childish, and I’m not a child. I wouldn’t read Twilight or watch the latest Disney release, so why am I playing games in which I’m being harassed by a cartoon goblin? Que sera, I guess. It’s my job. What I didn’t expect from getting older was to become physically unable to actually play a game meant for young adults.

I tried Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge on Wii U last week and found myself facing a crisis. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get off the first stage. I was prepared for the content to be young, but I didn’t expect to get stuck in the first few minutes of play. My 39 year-old fingers had deserted me. The dead screen followed endless rocket-pounding. I was undone. Am I really beyond mainstream action gaming? Am I too old for the games business in general?

F**k you.

DmC came out last week, and I’ve been following it closely enough. Every time I’ve seen it I’ve been impressed, but the demo hurt my hands. Some suck-cheeked androgyne ODing on mushrooms is one thing, but coming to a point where you’re saying, “I can’t play this,” is another. Ninja Gaiden 3 appeared to confirm it. Hack-n-slash was for ten years ago. I decided I wouldn’t buy DmC. Most of my gaming time post-Far Cry has been with Civ V, and that suited me fine. Ponderous clicking for grown ups. No more kids’ games, I said to myself.

Fortunately, before I wrote this piece I decided to make sure. I went back to Ninja Gaiden and turned the difficulty down. It was like playing a different game. I was scooting round enemies, levelling skills, blasting through stages and feeling all empowered at turning the screen into a teenage abattoir. I had a great time. Ninja Gaiden 3 is a titanically stupid video game in which Ryu (“It means dragon.”) chops thousands of people to pieces with bladed feet to a feverish f**k you blur. It’s one giant f**k you. There’s a mad scientist with a beanie, a shy kid called Connor and some idiot in an opera mask prancing around on desert skyscrapers for no good reason I could fathom. Ryu’s arm becomes infused with his sword, turning bright red and sprouting enough veins to embarrass 4chan /d/. Ayane’s in it, which should speak volumes. It’s ridiculous. I loved it. The play itself is a lot of fun.

Me, yesterday.

What I enjoyed most about it, I think, was that my hands weren’t creaking too badly to access the content. Game-makers are obviously aware that some of this stuff really is too hard for bands outside of the ultra-core. Capcom talked about the increased accessibility of DmC in the run-up to launch, comments I brushed over previously but am now pleased to note. I went from moping about not buying DmC one day to gleefully handing over cash the next. Now I know it’s going to be fun.

So. I’m not too old for the f**k yous. Neither are you. You may have to turn everything down a bit as the years drag on, but that’s life. Swallow that ego, granddad. The cartoon nonsense isn't over quite yet.

Disclosure: A promo copy of Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge was used in the writing of this piece.